Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Still dying that you shit outside
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
