you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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