Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
