Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
