He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
