I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
