i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
