Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
