Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
