i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
