I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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