Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We were destined to go to rehab together
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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