best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
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okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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