last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
