i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
