how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
