I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
