i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
