i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
