Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
