that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
