a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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