I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
