she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We left an ass print on the piano.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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