So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
