Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
