Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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