Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
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Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.