Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
