Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
