Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
