Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
