You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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