I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize