Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
