I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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