I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
