I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
