There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
