Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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