i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
His nipple licking is glorious
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