you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she pinky promised me she was 18
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
