i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
