i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
