here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
