I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
