Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
