Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
