I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
