My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize