I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
