i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
