I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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