if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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