I have demons in me.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
