You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
