We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
