You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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