So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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