i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
