my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
