Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
