I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
