can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
