I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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