I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
