he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
