Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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