Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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