We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
