did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I have aggressive nipples.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
