their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
