just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
